So the much anticipated Rocky Horror-themed Glee episode ran on Tuesday and it was kind of a let down. It’s totally my fault though. I’ve only seen Rocky Horror once on Broadway (side note: Former Skid Row lead singer Sebastian Bach played Riff Raff and he totally killed it. Despite the bloating and apparent alcohol issue, the man can still belt it out), so the songs and characters really didn’t resonate with me.
Which got me thinking – if Glee performed the enduring Broadway classic and legendary movie starring a young and dashing John Travolta and Olivia “Neutron Bomb” Newton-John musical Grease, I would just die of happiness. Honestly, it’s a freakin’ no-brainer that bad-boy Puck would make the most awesome T-Birds lieutenant Kenickie (but with an updated mohawk instead of the bouffant) and wisecracking mean girl Santana is a total Rizzo.
So I then, I figured I’d just recast the whole lot. To preface my Glee/Grease fantasy casting, yes, I’ve relegated the usual leads Rachel and Finn to secondary (if not third or fourth) players, because one) Rachel (and Finn by association) are starting to annoy the crap out of me, 2) I tend to derive more enjoyment out of seeing the secondary cast shine in the spotlight and 3) Rachel is clearly Patty Simcox.
The Rest of the Cast:
Quinn Febray as Sandy Dombrowski: They are both quintessential blonde beauties and share (I think, anyway) a similar high pitch. Although for Sandy, it was good girl gone bad, but the reverse for head Cheerio Quinn.
Jesse St. James as Danny Zuko: Sorry, Finn, but you just don’t have the moves or the vocal skills to pull off the iconic John Travolta role. Jesse St. James would kill it during all the musical numbers (remember the absolutely epic “Bohemian Rhapsody”?) and he seriously rocked that leather motorcycle jacket look in Rachel’s “Run Joey Run” video.
Brittany as Frenchie: This is kind of a no-brainer, too. Like Frenchie, Brittany isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but she’s definitely one of the most lovable. Plus she’d look awesome in a pink wig.
Mercedes as Marty Maraschino: Marty is the flashiest and most accessorized of the Pink Ladies, just like diva Mercedes. Maybe we could even update the character name to Mercedes Maraschino. Has a nice ring to it, right?
Tina as Jan: Jan is the most awkward of the Pink Ladies and Tina’s penchant for Goth-wear and a faux stutter makes her fit this bill.
Mike Chang as Putzie: Putzie loves Jan, so this is a great role for the character formerly known as “Other Asian” to step right into. Plus the T-Birds totally need Mike’s smooth dance moves for all the musical numbers. And I want him to get more screen time.
Finn as Dominick: I’m throwing Finn a bone here. Dominick is the All-American athlete, so Finn is perfectly typecast into this role.
Artie as Eugene: Like Eugene, Artie is the nerd of the bunch. Maybe we can make him have a crush on Jan, too.
Kurt as Teen Angel: Kurt would probably be the only McQueen-clad Teen Angel in history. Plus, his underused vocal skills would be perfect for this montage and hello – skincare aficionado Kurt would clearly be the most qualified to warn Frenchie of her limited career opportunities within the beauty industry.
Sue Sylvester as Coach Calhoun: Sue will find her way into the musical somehow, so who better than the Cheerios coach to whip the football team into shape.